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The Big Bang

August 28, 2016

Last I left you in this story, I got my wisdom teeth removed and they performed a biopsy on the lump on the roof of my mouth. This was may 25th. I was due to go back to the dentist June 1st to have them give me the results as well as tell me if my mouth was healing fine.  I had to work that day, so at 11:45PM I left work to go to the dentist. I got to the dentist and I had to wait a little bit, then they brought me back.  My surgeon looked in my mouth and said that I was healing fine. Then he goes "about that lump on the roof of your mouth" and he paused. So I said "I'm dying". He said "Well no. But what you have is called adenoid cystic carcinoma. It is something that can be take care of. You have you get it surgically removed. Its not something to worry about, but it's something that you can't just wait on". So in my head, I'm like oh okay I'm straight. They are going to take this lump off and I'll be Gucci. Then the Dr. gave me this envelope and he explained that that was the information about what I have and information to give to the doctor.  He recommended me to Dr. Ridge (who I just found out has patients coming from all over the world for him to operate on them). So he gives me the envelope and says "Dr. Ridge is a very very good doctor. You don't have to go to him but I had a friend go to him and now my friend is 6 years cancer free". 


He said that and in my head I lost it. CANCER?! Wtf, CANCER?! I didn't say that out loud. I kept my composure and said okay cool, thanks. I walked out of the office all teary eyed and shit. As soon as I sat in my car I just started crying. My biggest fear in life is dying and I'm dying right before my eyes! I know that sounds stupid but that's what I was thinking.  So I called my bff who is now 3 years cancer free. It was easy talking to her because I automatically go into joke mode, so I was making so many jokes to her. After I got off the phone with her I called my mom then I called my cousin. I felt like I just had to call these people because if I didn't I was going to cry so much my contacts would fall out and then I would crash my car and not make it back to work (I'm dramatic I know). 


I got back to work, I got myself together and sat at my desk. Maybe 15 minutes later my leader came over to me. He's the nicest, friendliest, kindest, person on earth. So he came over to me so enthusiastic and said "How did the dentist go?!" It was like a movie, I just started crying "I HAVE CANCEEEERRRRR". He was like what? So I opened the envelope the dentist gave me and he and I read about the cancer together. It was nice to talk about it with him because he listens and always has good advice. I feel like as a God fearing man he always knows what to say.  


So yeah, for the rest of the day I basically did no work because my mind was just wrapped up in having cancer. I was just thinking how could this happen to me? It's probably because I'm fat. What's going to happen to me? That afternoon I had to call to make the appointment with Dr. Ridge and it was so hard to hold back my tears. But, I did it and the appointment was set for the next day. 

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