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It's Show Time Pt. 1

August 15, 2017


We left off at me being a punk pussy bitch.  I had gotten my molds for my mouth and my tests done (which came  back good. The cancer didn't spread to my lung and it did not go to my bones so that's awesome). I was still going to work everyday at T-Mobile and my main job.  I was hanging out with friends, I was eating sooo much because my theory was that if I get fat, when I lose weight from the surgery I'll be back to normal or at least a little smaller. I'm not normally a partier, but I was going out and having so much fun. I was gearing up for my last hoorah. In my head I was never going to be able to drink alcohol again. I was never going to be able to go out dancing again. So I had to go hard.


The Wednesday before my surgery I had to go to the hospital for pre admission testing. There I met with my surgeon and asked him some questions.


  • Do I need to take my contact lenses out? Yes.

  • Do I need to take my piercings out? Yes.

  • How long will I be sedated for? The length of the surgery which is about three hours. We will wake you up right after. 

  • How long until I get the obturator (my prosthetic)? About a week. 

  • Will I be able to sing afterwords? Can you sing now?

  • What stage is this cancer in? Stage 2.

  • Do I sleep with the obturator? At first, once you are healed you can take it out. 

  • Does the obturator hurt? It can be uncomfortable.

  • What can't I do?  Nothing. 

Then the meeting with him was over. I did have to do some blood work (which I freaking HATE!). I had to meet with a nurse and she basically broke it down for me everything I needed to do before surgery. 


-Wash with this stinky soap every day and don't put lotion on (yeah she tried it).

-Take out all piercings and jewelry before the surgery (oh my gaaaaaaaa)

-No food or drink after 12am that morning (light)

-Don't take any medicines or vitamins for the next three days (got it)


Then I was ready to go. They didn't tell me what time my surgery was that coming Monday (July 3, 2017). I had to be on standby for that. She said they would let me know that Friday.  They did call me that Friday, my surgery was scheduled for 12PM.  


That Friday I got my hair done. Nothing crazy, just two feedin braids. I love my hair like that so much. Now you may be thinking "why would you get cute to go sit in the hospital?". BECAUSE IM A BOSS ASS BITCH THATS WHY! Sike naw, well I am but that's not why. I just felt like if I looked good, I would feel good. I wanted to leave the hospital dressed with my hair done, like the surgery didn't phase me one bit. So I got my hair done, and I went out that Friday night AND IT WAS SO FUN!  We went to a silent party and got turnt! I didn't tie my hair up that night, which I was mad about because basically it was just a waste. BUT in my drunken mess I was able to take a really good selfie.


The next day, my good friend Kate and I (shout out to Kate who been holdin' me down since my wisdom teeth) went to Chipotle. We figured what's not better than Mexican food to gear us up for round two that night. For weeks now I had been planning how I'm going to tell the world that I have cancer. This is normally something I would keep under wraps, but just in case I checked, I didn't want it to be a surprise.  Now I had told some people. Like if I ran into them and they asked me how life was going? Or if they asked me to do something and I had a doctor's appointment. But anyway, I figured I would post a picture of me in my hospital gown and my fuzzy slides looking all cute or whatever and caption the picture "If I gotta beat cancer, imma make it look sexy". BOOM! That was it. And then it would be a series. Basically anything that has to do with my cancer treatment I would just make it look sexy. What better way than to beat cancer than to make it look sexy?! (Thanks Kungfu Kenny!) BUT it did't work out that way. I thought this picture was so good I'm like "Kate, what if I just post this picture and caption it that" She supports everything I do so she's like DO IT!!! 


I was torn. I knew from the moment I posted this picture my phone was going to be going off the hook. Like, I definitely was going to run out of unlimited data. Was I ready for this? A part of my felt SO embarrassed that I had cancer. Like, clearly there was something I wasn't doing right in my life. I was ashamed of having cancer. Another part of me wanted to let people know about it, but also let them know that I'm okay. I used to be a super good communicator. I kept in contact with everyone, I always said what was on my mind and let people know how I felt. Now, I am the complete opposite. The only time you will catch me talking about how I feel is if it has to do with any of the podcast topics.  So in my head, posting that picture was going to let people know I was good. 


I posted it. Like like like like like like like like like like like like like. Affirmation after affirmation. Prayers upon prayers! I felt so good about posting that picture. So many people who reached out to give me words of kindness and motivation. I felt so good. It felt so good to know that my social media family were there cheering me on to recovery before the surgery even started. The one thing that did annoy me was the people that said "oh I didn't know". Duh, I didn't tell people. 


So me going out that night was a bust. My dad, step mom, & brother & sister flew in and I had to pick them up from the airport. I got them and took them to where they would be staying. But get this. There was NO power in the place that they stayed. So I sat there with them for like 2 hours and then I left. By that time I was so tired, that I just decided to go home. The next day my bff Winteer came to Philly to be with me, my grandma came from Indiana, and my Aunt Val came from Easton PA. We had so much fun on my last day being normal. We watched movies, I did Winteer's hair, we went to target, I hung out with my dad. It was a good day. The doctor told me I wasn't going to be able to eat solid foods for a while. So I had to pick my last meal. Buffalo Chicken Cheesesteak from Zesto's Pizza! It was a good last meal. All to get me ready for the next day. The big day.  



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