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The Third Worst Day of My Life

August 15, 2017

 

Now you may be thinking, "what happened to the second worst day of her life?" Well the second worst day of my life was the day they told me I had cancer. That wasn't nearly as bad as getting the oil cloth pulled out of my mouth. Actually this post is about the second worst day of my life because even getting told I had cancer wasnt as bad as this. 

 

I guess I should update you on stuff that had been going on. I went back to work after two and a half weeks. That was good because I needed to get out of the house and I love my job so much. I met with my surgeon and he told me that I am healing really well. I won't meet with him again until November. I met with my dentist again and he has fixed my obturator a couple times. I go to speech once a week. My grandma went back to Indiana. I met with my Radiation doctor to talk about radiation. I went to a Kappa Cookout. I went to Canada with my cousins and friends and had a blast. I'm just living my regular life and it's good. I can't complain.   

 

So, the third worst day of my life. I had an appointment to make my mask for radiation. So for those of you who don't know, you have to have a mask made, that fits your face perfectly. This holds you in place while they are doing the radiation. Now, prior to this appointment, they told me that I have to take a pregnancy test BUT the test had to be a blood test. Now, I knew I wasn't pregnant but I didn't get my period the month of July, and the doctors don't know my habits sooo according to them I could have been pregnant *rolls eyes*. Anyways, I got my period and now I knew for a fact I wasn't pregnant. So, I made the executive decision that I wouldn't get blood work done and I would just tell them that I didn't need the test. Well doctors don't care how sure you are that you aren't pregnant, they want the big facts. Big facts was a blood pregnancy test. 

 

So I go to get the blood work done. I was all crying about it. I HATE needles in my veins. I'm just not with that. Frfr Idk why I was crying, the lady was so good it didn't even hurt. Then I went back down to the radiation department and I had to wait an hour for the results....... Not pregnant... Like I said. 

 

They then took me back I had to take off my sweater (yeah I was wearing a sweater in the summer, my job is cold), my jewelry around my neck and stuff, and I had to pull my hair back.  They sat me on a table and started doing the stuff to put an IV in. "Look, if you aren't sure then DO NOT sick me". I think I scared her because she went and got someone who could put the needle in. It hurt. I was crying. I was like "OMG you are hurting me!". I was a mess in this doctors office. They got the IV in and then it was time to make the mask. 

 

Why didn't they tell me it was going to feel like they were waterboarding me? The mask is warm and really wet. I couldn't breathe through my nose so when they pulled this over my face I thought "oh shit im about to drown". Guess what, I didn't drown! I was super still while they put me in the scanner. They put the dye in me and she goes, you are going to feel really warm. You are going to feel like you're peeing on yourself. I was like "I probably will pee on myself". She didn't think my joke was funny. 

 

After the scans, I had to sit with this mask on my face for about 10 more minutes. Then two of the nurses came over and started writing on my mask. Then we waited again.... and again.... and some more... Finally they came back in. "We have to take your obturator out and do it again". I felt like Mr. Crabs in that meme, yall know the one I'm talking about. I am SO self conscious about how I sound without the obturator. Not even that I just don't feel complete. I wear it all the time. I only take it out to clean it, so me taking it out for them was a no go. On top of that they wanted me to put a block in my mouth to hold down my tongue. Idk how I can see today, because I rolled my eyes at these people the entire time I was there. They probably hate me because my attitude was on a million. 

 

We made the second mask like how they wanted. They came over and started marking the mask up. They took the mask off and she goes just hold still really quick, this will be a pinch. She pinched my neck with a needle or something. I'm like what was that? "A tattoo". I. Flipped. Out. "Give me my obturator. A tattoo? You didn't ask to put a tattoo. She told me I wouldn't get marked up. I don't want a tattoo". She explained that there was no way that they could know if I needed a tattoo or not. Then she asked if I wanted the other side. I'm just like well I don't have a choice. So they marked me.

 

Now, these tattoos look like teeny, tiny, moles. I went off for no reason at all. But you know what IDC. I guess the point was you could have at least have told me from the beginning that I was going to have to get these tattoos. I mean looking on the bright side, I made it through. That night I got ice cream with Kate from our favorite place called Pink Ice.  I knew I was going to be overwhelmed so this ice cream date was MUCH needed. I was supposed to clean and stuff that night but I didn't. I just laid down. It was just too overwhelming.

 

In situations like this, sometimes you feel like you just want to be a blob. I feel like that a lot. Most of the time I motivate myself to get up and go and that's because I know that during radiation I will probably actually be a blob. Yesterday was an exception. A lot of the time you need mental and physical rest, don't deprive yourself of that.   

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