The Skruggle is Real

August 27, 2017



Just to start this off, this is not going to be a positive blog post. This one is to give you all an update on how I've been feeling. First off, it is kind of annoying that I feel so bad after the surgery. I had no symptoms, or pain before surgery, now afterwards I'm a wreck.  


I'm also writing this post because someone told me that I didn't have cancer, just a cancerous tumor, which isn't that serious. They didn't take into account that my everyday life has changed forever. 


So, this post is to let you guys know about my everyday struggles. 


1. I can't drink through a straw. It's not that I can't make my mouth the certain shape, or the doctors told me I can't use a straw. I literally cannot drink through a straw. My dentist told me that I probably will never be able to drink through a straw again. It is so annoying when I go out to eat and I forget that. Then I go to use the straw and nothing comes up. I'm just like fuuuuuuuccckkkkkkkkk. Every time. Nobody wants to put their mouth on restaurant glasses. So then I have to ask for a to go cup, then people are asking questions and I'm just like *big sigh*. 


2. I can't breathe through my nose. This happens to me off and on. Lately it has been on non stop and I can't take it. I blow my nose all day. When I wake up my mouth is like a desert from being dried out. I lose my breath when I walk up any type of steps. It's just a bad thing. I haven't been able to breathe through my nose since the surgery. It's going on two months now. 


3. I can't hear out of my right ear. So on the side that I got my surgery on, I just can't hear out of that year. That ear was also killing me for about 4 days. I went to an ENT  doctor and she checked my ears out. She said I had a lot of wax build up in the right ear so she cleaned it out. Then we did a hearing test. She said I have really good hearing. The reason I can't hear out of that ear is because there is fluid in my ear. She said there were a few things they could have done. She could have prescribed me steroids, but because I am starting radiation soon (August 28th) she didn't want to do that. So now I'm just walking around not being able to hear out of one ear with occasional pain. 


4. Food comes out of my nose. Any time I eat I have to blow my nose right after because it makes me have so much mucus and there is always food in there. I just sneezed and I ended up with zebra cake all over my arm.  It's so annoying because if you don't get all of the food then you are smelling it until you find it. 


That's all I can think of right now. I mean, my voice doesn't sound the same. Although, I will say that now I think I sound really good, except it sounds like I have a cold.  


So, in the event that you come across someone who is struggling (feeling bad emotionally or physically, stressed out, have anxiety, etc.), here are three tips that you can keep in your back pocket to help them out.  

LISTEN TO THE PERSON. You never know how just listening to the them sharing about their struggle with you could make them feel better. 


DO NOT PRESSURE THEM. Many times we feel like we can help them by suggesting them to do something. For example my thing was eating. I did not want to eat or drink at all once I came home from the hospital. My grandma (bless her heart) would try all day to make me eat, she literally would try to put the food down my throat. That would make me not want to eat even more. When someone is dealing with something it might be best for you to let them face it when they are ready. So, do not pressure them. 


SUPPORT, SUPPORT, SUPPORT! Just give support. If someone just lost their vocal chords and they want to be a singer don't discourage them, help lead the way! Tell them they can do it! Don't remind them that they can't. Then when they realize that maybe they can't, still encourage them to try again when they may feel ready again. 


Lastly, don't judge a book by it's cover. People see me, I look normal, I'm cute, I make jokes on social media, I go out, I travel, and do fun things, but on the inside (my mouth, because mentally I'm fine) I'm all fucked up. Looking at me you would never know. That could be the same with someone else. Okay, that's my rant. 

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