Hey y’all haaaayyy. Long time no speak haha. I figured I would let you guys live for a week or two. Right now I am on week 5 of radiation. It’s going by so fast! As I’m writing this post I have 10 more sessions left and I am done for eeevvvvveeeerrrrrr! I have been experiencing some side effects though *thumbs down emoji*. I have some sores on my tongue so it’s hard to eat and my mouth is dumb dry. No matter how much water I drink, I’m still thirsty! My jaw is locking up, so I have to brace myself to eat. I have to do mouth stretches 5 times a day so that I can make sure I can fit a fork or spoon in there. I can’t eat anything spicy, acidic, citrusy, or crunchy. If I do it feels like alcohol being poured on an open wound in my mouth. Basically, I have to eat bland food. I’ve been eating MAD grilled cheese sandwiches, mac and cheese, and peanut butter and jelly. Sometimes I get a taste in my mouth that tastes like a chemical was let off. It’s annoying and tastes gross.
People always ask you what you would do if you were put in a certain situation. You just THINK you know. I tried so hard to prepare for this, because you know, they let you know you’re going to be sore, and tired all of the time, and you’re going to be on drugs (which thank god my symptoms aren’t that bad that I’m not experiencing any of that). They tell you to do mouth rinses because that will help you with getting sores. I tried to prepare SO much. I told myself no matter what, I was going to eat 3 meals a day (that’s a joke) and make sure I’m taking in all of my liquids. Then you know what. One day last week I was just like “eating is hard, fuck that”. I know that’s so bad, and I should use my magic mouth wash, but I’m so stubborn and instead of being uncomfortable I would rather not eat. Sometimes I get a sore throat. Who wants to eat or drink with a sore throat? I did however; figure out that cake is pretty easy to eat though, because it’s so soft. I also lost some of my taste buds. Some of my food tastes so bland or anything with a little bit of spice is too much. My mom made me some fish and it was too spicy, with just pepper! I really hope the whole spicy thing goes away, because I love spicy food. I love buffalo sauce. I’ll cry if it never gets better lol. BUT you know what still tastes good? Cake! Anyways, I’m just taking it day by day. It’s not easy at all, and that’s okay as long as I make it look like it is. Oh, and just right now as I’m writing this post, I found two big ass bald spots in my head. I. Am. Devastated.
Have you ever thought about words? Words are such a powerful thing. We wouldn’t have the successful friendships/relationships that we have without words. I know it seems silly, but have you ever thought about that? God created the world and everything in it with just words. He said let there be light, and boom, there was light in this place. I really feel like we speak things into existence, kind of like how God did. I remember waiting for the results of my biopsy and I was sitting on my bed with my friend and I’m like, what if its cancer. Then what do you know, I had freaking cancer. Maybe that one is a bad example because it was in stage two, it couldn’t have grown that much in a few days, but I’m sure you get my point.
So how can we use words to our advantage? I just said it, duh. Speak things into existence. Do you want a new position at your job? Speak it. You want to move? Speak it. You want a better relationship? SPEAK IT! Obviously you have to back it up with actions. Things just aren’t going to magically work themselves out. But if you speak it, and believe it, I believe it will happen (if God wants it to, because you know who tf am I). It’s kind of like Peter Pan. Didn’t they just believe and then magical things happen? Well yea, that’s real life too. I’m convinced.
This theory I have about speaking things into existence also works with negative thoughts. I went to Canada with my cousins, and long story short (If you want to know the story just check out The Officially Street Podcast episode 110), we kind of got into a little bit of trouble, and I feel like we spoke that into existence. We talked about what if it happened during the whole trip, and it did happen. If we would have just shut our mouths maaayyybbbeee, just maybe, things would have worked out differently for us.
Words can literally make anything happen. You can hurt someone’s feelings with words, you could break someone’s heart, you can make someone mad, you can make them laugh, and you can make them happy, all with words. That’s so powerful! I’ve really been thinking about this for a while, just like, words in general (because I’m low key a nerd) and a thought has come to my mind often: how can our words be beneficial to us and others around us? They’re so powerful; why not use them to our advantage, right? I’ve come up with 3 tips for myself that have helped me throughout this cancer journey and just in life, which hopefully could help you too, and make you and your life more positive, happy, and enjoyable.
Only speak positivity. Try your hardest to only let positive words come out of your mouth. It may be hard, but if you put your mind to it you can do it. From my experience, when I try to only let positive things come out of my mouth, I feel better mentally and physically. I’ve noticed that that can also help others around you. I have a “friend” who I see every day when I go to treatment. He’s always like “Hey baby girl. That’s baby girl right there. How you feeling today?” Then I say with a huge smile “I’m doing so well! For dinner I had this and that, and today at work I did this and that. They said we wouldn’t be able to eat and we would be tired, but we’re still doing it!” (Lying like shit but he doesn’t know that). I can tell that always changes his mood for him to hear that positivity come from me. Then he tells me about himself and what he ate for dinner. We say god bless and move on our way. I know that when I see him and give him that positivity, that good news that I’m defeating what they have said what will happen; it gives him hope and changes his whole attitude.
Think before you speak. A lot of times we always say the first thing that comes to our minds when responding to someone. No matter if it is a good situation or a bad situation, we should really try hard to think before we speak. If you are in a sticky situation, you could say something that could really hurt someone’s feelings and tarnish your relationship with them. Even in a good situation, you could hype something up to make it seem like something it is not, which could turn out bad. Someone could take what you said the wrong way, which could result in a mess. The worst in my opinion is saying something you don’t mean. What if you told someone you liked them and you didn’t!? See, all bad. Don’ speak it unless you mean it and make sure you think about it before it is said.
Turn your negativity around. I learned this concept a while ago when I was working in Orientation and New Student Programs at ESU. It was referred to as “Spin it”. So basically whenever you have anything negative to say, or if you are put in a negative situation to spin it. One way that I do this is when people ask me how I’m doing and I’m not feeling too hot I say “I could complain, but I’m not”. Seriously, what good would it give me to complain about my situation? Is it going to make me hear out of my right ear again? Noooooo. If it’s not helping me, it’s hurting me. I also think that it could be way worse. I know I have a couple patches of hair missing, but I could lose my whole head! I could have had to get a way more extensive surgery that would have kept me out of work and living my life for months, not just two weeks. They could have had to take all my teeth out instead of just three. This also helps me when I’m just sitting thinking to myself, or if I’m in pain. I just spin the situation. I could have not had found the cancer and it could have been getting worse by the minute!
The power of words is crazy! I hope you can use these tips on how to make your words work positively for you <3