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The Breakup

January 16, 2018

 

 

Happy new year everyone! One of my resolutions is to have two blog posts a month, aaannndd I’m not doing very well with that so far haha. I hope all of your years are starting off very well. Mine is going very well.  Everything at work is good, I’m back at T Mobile, and I’m managing to keep the weight off that I lost last year.

 

I had my 3 month post radiation check-up last week. Basically what that consisted of was the doctor coming in, checking my neck for any lumps and then looking in my mouth for any lumps and seeing how the healing is going. So since radiation I haven’t been able to eat spicy foods which is the worst thing ever because I love everything spicy (I'm sure I've said this a million times, but I'm really upset about it so I'm going to say it again). Well I loved everything spicy. It hurts too much now. He said that it will take years for me to be able to build back up that tolerance for spicy food. That it’s like I have a baby mouth. I mean I still eat spicy stuff sometimes, I just suffer the consequences which consist of a sore throat, watery eyes, and sometimes my ear hurts. Overall he said that I’m healing really well and basically how we monitor this is that I have to see a doctor every three months and get a chest x-ray once a year.

 

 

Last Friday, I had a minor surgery in my ear. So, one side effect from the surgery was that I was making so much mucus. I couldn’t blow it all out of my nose so it would go into my ear. By the middle of august I could not hear out of my right ear. I was in constant pain and it sounded like static in my ear all day every day. At the end of August I went to the ear doctor and they gave me steroids to help me, they didn’t help though. She told me that there was a lot of fluid in my ear (which I was aware of) and that she could not do anything for me because I was starting radiation therapy the next week, so I had to wait until I finished radiation. A month and a half after radiation (so late November) I went back to the ear doctor and she looked inside and saw that the fluid was still there. She also told me that it’s not like water, after a while it turns to like Jello (gross). We did a pressure test, which is when you put a little headphone in your ear and it puts all this pressure and then it reads how your ear drum moves. Well, mine didn’t move. With all of that going on, we scheduled the surgery for January 12th.

 

All that time from August to January I couldn’t hear out of my ear. Do you know how good it feels to not have to say “what did you say” after damn near everything someone says to you?!

 

So, the day of the surgery, Kate, Kailah, and Drew took me to the hospital. Everything happened super quick, not like when I got the surgery for my tumor. We walked, in and they immediately took me back. I had to take a pregnancy test, then they had me take all of my clothes off and put the hospital gown on. I sat there for a little bit and then a nurse came back to give me an IV. Now, if you’ve read other blog posts of mine you know that giving blood is just not for me. As soon as they put that stupid band on me I start hyperventilating and tearing up and I really be a mess for NO REASON. So she put the IV in me, that was light work, then my friends were able to come back and talk to me. The surgery was supposed to be at 11 but they didn’t take me back until around 11:45. The anesthesiologist came over to me and she was asking me about the tumor surgery and we started talking about my surgeon while she was slowly knocking me out. Like I stopped mid-sentence and couldn’t talk anymore. Then they had me in the surgery room and I think I had to put myself on a different table and she put more stuff in me so now I’m really dizzy, then all I remember is them putting a mask on me and that’s it. I really hate anesthesia, like this lady just made me go to sleep at her say so!  So the next thing I remember is being able to hear. They said that the first thing I asked was “did I fart?” I think I asked that because I was telling my friends that I fart in my sleep and I wonder if because I’ll be so relaxed if I’ll fart during the surgery.

Recovery from the surgery was easy. They took me to a little room and then I sat there. They said that I had to eat something first before I could leave so they gave me pudding and that instantly made me nauseous. Then they gave me a graham cracker and saltines but my mouth was so dry that they both crumbled in my mouth. I was like waaattteeerrr, I need wwaaaattteerrrrrrr. I sounded like Spongebob in that episode where he was all dry. It was bad. I had about 4 cups of water and then they let me go. I had to be wheeled out in a wheel chair which I thought was so unnecessary but whatever.

 

After that we went to Nifty-Fifty’s and I was not happy with my food at all. I think it was me though, not the food. Because they had to put a breathing tube down my throat my throat was sore and it was hard for me to swallow. On the way home that’s when I got so tired. BUT I didn’t fall asleep because I was playing DJ. By the time I got home I was awake and I didn’t fall asleep until around 10PM. So overall it was a good surgery. The next day my voice was sore, but by Sunday I was regular. I’m claiming that that’s my last surgery, unless I have to get a C section when I give birth.

 

 

So in this post I want to talk about breakups. I’m sure plenty of you guys have experienced break ups before right? They suck. You feel lost in the world, now that you don’t have your companion. You’re sad, you think about that person all day every day. Overall it’s a bad feeling. When we know people have just gone through a breakup we try to make them feel better about it, we try to tell them that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Or we are sensitive towards them. We try not to say the wrong things to make them think of their past relationship, or because we know they are feeling a way we give them space. There are books and workshops on how to deal with breakups. There are self-help guides and freaking workbooks you can fill out for when you have lost your lover. The point I’m trying to make is that we cater so much to people when they go through a romantic breakup.

 

But what about friend breakups?

 

We NEVER hear about those. You go from telling all of your thoughts, feelings, and secrets to this one person to one day just never talking to them again.  I had two friend breakups in the past two years and them shits suck. You don’t have a wing man anymore, you don’t have someone to send your memes to. It’s just no good. You lose a part of yourself just as if you lost your romantic partner. If you ask me it’s worse not having your friend anymore than a when you lose a romantic relationship because that was a relationship that was all mental. So my question to you all is, how can you go through that and not be sad? What’s the difference between the two relationships? I’ll tell you, there is none. Friend breakups should be taken as seriously as a romantic breakup, so I’m going to give you some tips on how you can cope with this type of breakup.

 

Make Sure You Talk About It

 

Sometimes in the heat of the moment were just like eff this and stop talking to one another. Now, some people deal with their emotions differently, BUT before you make this decision to not be friends anymore, talk about it. Talk about what was bothering you, why it was bothering you, and how maybe you guys could get past it. A little conversation can go a long way.

 

 

It’s Okay to be Sad

 

It’s okay to be upset that you no longer have this person in your life anymore. It’s okay to take time to yourself and be alone because you are sad. Sometimes that is needed. When you walk around and act like nothing is wrong emotionally that could make you worse. So take a day to yourself and do what makes you happy. That could be getting your nails and hair done, playing video games, eating, sleeping, just whatever makes you feel good.Don’t try to replace them

Don’t try to replace your friend. I know when you no longer have your friend you want to jump to the next person, BUT forced relationships aren’t good. They will end just as quickly as they started. If you do get a new friend let it happen genuinely.

 

 

Evaluate the end of your Friendship

 

Sometimes it’s not a bad thing that a friendship has ended. Maybe for a while you didn’t like how they speak to you, or you felt as if they didn’t value your time or you as a friend.  Maybe you felt left out all of the time. Maybe they didn’t support you in your endeavors or in your time of need.  They never checked up on you, you were always the one to reach out first. You felt as if they thought no matter what you would always be there, no matter how they acted in the friendship. Or they could have just did some triflin’ shit one too many times *shrug emoji*. In my opinion it’s not worth keeping the friendship if you feel more negatively toward your friend than positively.  Just like in romantic relationships, people outgrow one another and that’s okay. You learned what you did from them, and you can now move to teach that to someone else.

 

So the moral of the story is, the loss of a relationship is always hard, especially a friendship. It’s okay to feel sad about it. It’s okay to talk about it. But I think the most important thing here is to remember to move forward positively from it. <3

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