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Loyalty

April 25, 2018

It’s been a while since my last post, but my life has literally been all over the place. So, let’s get into why you all are here. MY PROSTHODONTIST SAID IM A MIRACLE. Well his exact words were "it’s a miracle" but that means I’m a miracle. Actually, I’m a miracle three times because 1. I was born premature and lived through that, 2. I like had cancer and lived through that, and 3. NOW I CAN USE A STRAW. I’m not sure if I wrote that in the last post and quite frankly I don’t care if I did or not because it makes me so happy. I can’t do milkshakes yet, but in due time. So yeah, I told my prosthodontist that I could drink through a straw and he’s like really!? Wow that’s a miracle, most people never will be able to again. So that makes me really happy. Honestly it’s not even me, it’s not like I’m doing anything to make me be able to drink through a straw, it’s all him. He probably felt really proud of himself when I told him that lol.

 

So other than that everything is almost normal, my eating is still blah. I don’t have much of an appetite still and the thought of eating things I ate during radiation makes me sick. So I’m still experimenting. Lately cereal is my go to. I eat A LOT of Honey Nut Cheerios. I’ve been thinking if I should go vegan again because I have two theories behind why I got this cancer in the first place. So one is because I would eat a lot of chicken and processed foods. Like I’ve always had a generally healthy diet but not super clean. The second is because all the years I was meal prepping and popping stuff in the microwave, I somehow got it. If radiation is the cause of cancer, why did I do radiation therapy? Whatever that’s a topic for conspiracy theorists, not me. Anyways, back to my main point, I’m still figuring out food (if I’m not eating out).

 

Next topic, my hair is growing back really nice. This picture is 4 months of growth.

 

As you can see it looks a total mess, but the hair growing back blends nicely with the long hair. I still have a while before I cut it. I was thinking of cutting it all even once it got to a certain length, I just don't know the length yet. I know the back of my head looks a mess when I wear it in a bun (which I do often these days) but I don’t care.

 

I’m still managing to keep the weight I lost off. I actually just had to go buy new pants because some of mine were too big on me and when I was shopping I found that I’m like 3 sizes smaller (depending on the type of jeans)! So yeah, overall my health is good and I’m happy. I’m seeing my radiologist and surgeon and they said everything looks good to them, just to keep on coming back to have check ups (they tryna take my money I know).

 

So, in February I got a message on LinkedIn from a recruiter about a position with this company doing the same thing that I was doing at the time. I had the call with the recruiter, then with the hiring manager, then they brought me in for a face to face interview. That interview lasted 3 hours. I was pretty confident they would offer me the job because you know, I’m me or whatever. That interview was on a Tuesday. So I let the week go by without reaching out because I already had a job. I was comfortable where I was. It’s not like I NEEDED a new job. I liked the location of my job, the people I worked with, my benefits, the pay. Everything. Everything was ideal about my current job. I also felt like I was so disloyal to my company because they had held me down during all of the cancer stuff and I was treated very well. Like I felt soooo bad that I had left early the one day to go do the interview. I just kept saying to everyone I’m so disloyal, I’m fake, I’m two faced, blah, blah. Anyways, I got to work late that next Monday because I wasn’t feeling well. Maybe about 10 minutes of me getting settled in for the day I had got called into a meeting. I walked in and BOOM I’m fired.

 

Well not fired but I got laid off. I was like whaaaa???? Like are y’all serious???? But in the back of my head I’m like "welp good thing I had that job interview last week!" So yeah I packed up my desk and when I was packing the guy was like do you need a box? And I’m like yeah and he went to the ladies RIGHT BEHIND ME to get one and she said “we knew we would be seeing you soon”. WHAT!? BITCH YOU KNEW AND YOU BEEN SMILING IN MY FACE THIS WHOLE TIME!?

 

That’s the short story of me getting laid off. It’s so crazy that I was feeling soooo bad about doing the interview, I was feeling so disloyal and fake and these guys were planning to put me on the chopping block all along. I’m just like damn y’all couldn’t tell me this on Friday so that I wouldn’t have to come in today? Like, I could have stayed sleep *rolls eyes*.

 

It’s crazy how sometimes you feel like you have to be loyal to someone, or in my case, something, when they will forget about you or replace you in a heartbeat. That situation made me realize that nobody deserves your loyalty. If it’s not earned, then forget about it. Even if it is earned, if something about it is not making you happy, you have to move on. Don’t let someone hold something over your head to make you stick around. In my case it was my cancer stuff. I felt like because my job was so supportive during it all I had to stay there for some years. But in all reality, that’s not the case. I should have done what’s best for me. At the time idk what that would have been because I was content and happy but I now know for the future to always put myself first.

 

I see this a lot, people giving loyalty to those who don’t deserve it. People staying at jobs for a gajillion years because they feel like it’s the right thing to do, or because of someone else that they are loyal to at the job. People staying with their significant other because they feel like they owe them even though they’re treated badly or not how they want to be treated. People remaining loyal and doing things for friends who won’t even pick up the phone to see how you’re doing during radiation treatment, or to see if you found a new job. Women not going after men they want because of the last guy they dealt with because it would be disloyal . Even just not dealing with person B because you’re friends with person A and person A doesn’t like person B, even though you do (that’s petty female stuff but still). Let me tell y’all something.

THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE TO REMAIN LOYAL TO IS YOURSELF.

 

If there’s something you want to do or go after do it. Don’t let someone hold you back. Don’t keep toxic relationships if they’re going to ruin your happiness and your sanity. Unless they can really be fixed, let it go. Remember that you are responsible for your happiness, so do what you need to be truly happy.

 

I just started this challenge on IG called the take care challenge and it’s all about realigning your mind body and soul. They shared a couple tips that I want to share with you guys just to help make your days a little better.

 

  1. Have a routine. Whether it’s eating breakfast every morning or stretching, meditating, reading, or something. Just do something. I like to wake up late so my routine is making my bed because all the years of my life I never made my bed when I got out of it.

  2. Keep a journal. I’ve been journaling and I love it! I’m not stressed about anything or mad at anyone but just writing about my day feels good. Sometimes I go off on a tangent and that’s fine. I’m glad to know that I’ll be able to have these memories. Also, I’ve never slept so hard until I started writing in a journal. I really really wish I would have started journaling when I found out about my cancer stuff but I was in denial.

  3. Get off your phone! Try not being on your phone in the morning when you get up and 30 minutes before bed.

  4. They cutting something bad out of your diet. Like coffee, chips, or sweets. This is hard for me because my sweet tooth has really been getting me lately.

  5. Give back. Try to do a random act of kindness once a week. You don’t have to go all out, just do something nice for someone. Give and you shall receive.

So I hope I’ve enlightened or motivated you all with this post. I have really been all over the place since I got laid off trying to get my life in order but I’m making strides. This routine has definitely helped me and I hope it can help you guys too. But if you take anything from this post, it’s this, the only person you HAVE to remain loyal to is yourself.

 

 

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