The Reflection

July 19, 2018



My doctor never called me back about the chest X Ray from my last post, so I’m good guys, I’m good. Sorry to scare you and make you wait so long to find out about that.


So, it has been officially one year since I got my surgery. Can you believe it!? I’ve really glowed up! I've been thinking back to last year pretty frequently, just about all of the stuff I’ve had to go through. It's kind of been a lot. 


Like when I first got my obturator and I wasn’t opening my mouth wide enough and my prosthodontist (shout out to him for never returning any of my calls recently) was yelling at me.


Or a week after my surgery and they had to take the oil cloth out. That was one of THE most traumatic experiences of my life, like worse than my surgery. Can you imagine opening your mouth to talk and YOU can't even understand what you're saying? It was crazy. Shout out to my grandma and Kate for dealing with my cry baby ass that whole day.


Speaking of talking, I was actually thinking about my speech therapist the other day. One, because she never called me back for a follow up after radiation and two, because I’m trash and haven’t done the exercises she told me I’m supposed to do, so now imma be getting lock jaw and shit when I’m 30.


I’ve been thinking about all of the jokes I’ve made about this whole situation. I can’t remember them now, but they were funny.


You know something else I’ve been thinking about? All of the ice cream I was eating last year and the weight I didn't gain. I'm glad about that. 


My birthday just passed, so naturally I’ve just been doing a lot of reflecting and let me tell you what I came up with. I am SO happy I had a birthday. For the whole first part of July, every time I got in the car I would put on Ratchet Happy Birthday by Drake and it would make me start crying happy tears because it’s like omg, I’m having a birthday! I made it to another birthday! Go me! Last year I always had thoughts about how it is a possibility that I won't make it to another birthday. Not just because of the whole cancer shit, but because our lives are not guaranteed and this whole situation made that a reality to me. So, I'm really happy I was able to have and celebrate my birthday.


From my last birthday to this birthday, it has been such a roller coaster but I’m grateful for it. It's not about the destination, but the journey that gets you there. This journey has helped build my character even more and most importantly has taught me so much about myself. The one thing that I knew, but has been confirmed; I LOVE my friends and family SO much. I have been truly blessed with amazing people in my life so shout out to y’all.


So back to my birthday. I had THE best birthday in my whole life. I’ll spare you guys the ratchet details but it was so good. I was so happy. I was never really big on birthdays before. Now I’m like it’s MY birthday! Turn Up! God has blessed ME to see another year of life! My skin is GLOWING! My hair is GROWING! No seriously y’all, my bald spot is flourishing right now.

Anyways, I’m HAPPY. You know what else I was thinking? Although I’ve endured so much physically, and I was down during radiation, this has been the happiest year for me. I’ve cried a lot but I’ve had so many more positive and happy experiences. You know what else? I was already a positive person, but this whole experience has taken it to the max (so don't come to me with your negative energy because you will get turned away). In my head I’m just like I overcame this boundary, I can do ANYTHING... besides wake up on time for work.


I know I'm ranting and this isn't a typical post for me but I guess to wrap it all up, I'm just letting ya'll know that I'm happy and grateful to be here. I'm happy I'm able to write this post. I'm happy to be able to share my positivity and happiness. I'm glad God decided to give me more life.



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