These last few months have been kind of annoying to be honest. I had a little breaking point where I was feeling discouraged. So, I haven’t gotten my teeth cleaned since ‘Nam. Since my mouth is completely healed from radiation I decided to put on my grown up pants and go to the dentist for a cleaning. Not only has it been a long time since I got my teeth cleaned but my radiologist recommended me to go to the dentist because the radiation could have negative effects on my teeth. Long story short I went to the dentist, ready for her to tell me I need to knock all of my teeth out and to get a new mouth, aaaaannnnnd she basically said that she needed a medical clearance to clean my teeth. I’m like dude, are you kidding me? So I waited a few days and they got back to me saying that they did not get any clearance from my surgeon because they could not contact him, but also, MY RADIOLOGIST SAID HE COULD NOT GIVE CLEARANCE FOR ME TO GET MY TEETH CLEANED. I'm like what the shit, if you look in the notes from my last visit with him it says specifically for me to go see a dentist. Anyways, they referred me to someone else, we made the appointment and then after they got my medical chart they said they could not clean my teeth and I should go to a dentist that has surgical supplies on hand. At this point I'm feeling discriminated against and ready to cry. I probably did cry because I'm a baby. So then I called my prosthodontist & they made me an appointment with their hygienist BUT I still had to get clearance. You want to know what the whole issue is? Doctors never answer the phone! They're too busy and it's the most frustrating thing ever. Luckily, I just got a new primary care physician (shout out to her and her black girl magic✨) and she said she will write the clearance. This was after I was at the dentist for 45 minutes, with the hygienist and myself just looking at each other because she couldn’t do anything until she got the okay. I don't even know who is supposed to give the ok because when I asked her who was telling her not to clean my teeth because I'm telling her to clean my teeth she said she didn’t know *rolls eyes*.
Other than my dentist woes everything is going really well. I just got my obturador adjusted after 5 months and it feels SO good. I forgot what it was like to eat and not have food in your nose. Or to not have food hiding and then when it’s ready, it falls down your throat out of nowhere. Speaking of food, I’m still trying to get my groove back. I think my issue is that I disliked eating so much during radiation that I’m still just over it and that’s not okay, I need to eat more. I also think that I need to learn my proportions. Since I lost weight from not eating I can’t eat as much as before and I’m ALWAYS wasting food. That or when I do get something smaller I'm still hungry. I'm sure I'll figure it out in due time.
So you guys know about the patch in the back of my head right? Well it has grown out a good amount so I decided to get a hair cut so that all of my hair can match. Well I got a curly bob. I'm not going to lie and say I'm feeling it because I'm definitely not BUT my hair feels soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. It is so soft and the curls are FLOURISHING. I want to pet myself all day. I'm happy about that, I'm just not really feeling the way that I look. I think it was a good decision to get it cut though because, my theory is, that since I had so many different lengths of hair it was hindering my hair from growing because it would get caught within each other and break off. Even though I'm not in love with my hair just yet, everyone LOVES the look, I know I will get used to it, I've been through worse (ummm a big ass bald spot in the back of my head, hello) and hair grows back.
Sooo yeah, that’s my life, and now I am one year cancer freeeeeee!! Go me! I actually get kind of emotional thinking about it. First of all, just thinking back to the whole process of finding out, getting surgery and just everything happened so quickly. I keep thinking back to how horrible I sounded when I first got surgery. Then I think about how I was feeling during radiation; sorry for myself and just down. I won't say depressed, but I definitely was not happy. Reflecting, I have come SUCH a long way and I'm really proud of that. I think that I've gained so much from this experience. I learned that NOBODY'S support system is better than mine. I've learned how to actually put mind over matter to be happy. And the biggest thing that I've gained from this experience is confidence. I was confident before, but now, my shit is through the roof! Although I was put through a traumatic and life changing experience, I'm kinda grateful for it and even though it has only been a year, I wouldn't be the person that I am without it.
I guess I want to also use this post to give thanks. I want to give thanks to everyone who has reached out to me and checked on me in this past year. Thank you for all of the gifts and flowers I've received. Thank you to everyone who has contributed to my healing in one way or another. Thank you for all of the kind and motivational words that were said to me. I know I'm positive, but I couldn’t have done it without the push. Thank you to the people who have shown up at the right time. It's important to be there for our friends/family, and you know not all the time we can, so showing up at the RIGHT time is important. I'm so blessed to have the friends that I do. With no family in Philly, they ALL have stepped up and I appreciate that to the fullest. Thank you to everyone who reads my blog. Seeing all of the hits makes me want to do more; and I will. I'm happy to be able to have shared this experience with you all and to be able to give motivation along the way. I love, love, like I love it so much. So it makes me extremely happy to get all of the love that I have received. Words cannot explain how grateful I am.
I also have to give a big shout out to my team at work. Can I tell you guys how they surprised me? Everyone wore burgundy and they got me a 1 balloon, baked muffins, and scared the hell out of me waiting in my office after my meeting. I wanted to cry so bad but I had to hold it together because I didn’t want my eyelashes to fall off. I'm lucky to be able to work with a group who has been so supportive in the short amount of time that I have known them.
My day was really amazing. Here is to being one year cancer free, and a lifetime to go.